Of Ogres and Kings
by Snargaluff Pod
Summary: When King Harold suddenly croaks, Shrek learns he will have to rule the land of Far, Far Away, unless he can find a suitable heir to the throne. The most-promising candidate is Fiona's first cousin once removed, Harry. Along with Donkey and Puss in Boots, Shrek sets out to bring Harry back with them, but doing so is a bigger challenge, and a tad more magical, than they expected.
1. Chapter 1

**#################################################################**

 **So this story came about because I was appalled** **at the lack of serious Shrek/Harry Potter fics. Then I went and actually had an idea for one, so of course I had to mostly plot it out, and start writing. It starts partway through Shrek the Third, and diverges from canon from there. Harry is in his fifth year at Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy! :D**

 **##################################################################**

 **DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SHREK OR HARRY POTTER.**

 **##################################################################**

"I'm dying."

The King inhaled and launched into a violent coughing fit as a result, despite his attempts to muffle it.

That was the last thing that Shrek thought he was going to hear that day. He had known that the King was ill, but he had not known just how badly. A guilty look flashed across his face, regretting what he had said when he had been summoned. The Queen rushed to the King's aid, propping the frog up slightly more. Her hand lingered on the edge of his head for a moment before she drew away.

"Harold-"

"Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian."

"Of course darling." The Queen said with a smile, used to the King's kind of non-sequiturs, tears filling her eyes but not leaving King suppressed a few more coughs. He turned to Fiona.

"Fiona..."

"Yes Daddy?" She said, her voice breaking halfway.

"I know I've made many mistakes with you."

"It's okay-"

"But your love for Shrek has taught me so much."

Fiona smiled. Shrek felt rather awkward himself, intruding on this family moment. Sure, he was married to Fiona, but he had never quite felt like he completely fitted into the family dynamic. He and Harold had never really quite seen eye to eye, but they got on for Fiona's sake. The King finished talking to Fiona and turned his eyes towards Shrek.

"My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son." The King said. Shrek felt a lump start to form in his throat.

"And I'm proud to call you my Frog... King Dad in-law."

"Now, there is a matter of business to attend tooo…" The King started wheezing and coughing, unable to continue his sentence. It seemed to go on an age before he eventually stopped. Was he dead? Shrek saw Puss out of the corner of his eye remove his hat. No- he couldn't have already-

"The Frog King is dead." Puss muttered and Fiona started to cry.

The King suddenly woke up, coughing and shocking them. He wasn't dead; at least not yet.

"Put your hat back on, fool." Donkey hissed at Puss, who did as he was told. King Harold took another deep shaky breath in and then spoke.

"Shrek, please come hither."

Why out of all of them did he want to talk to him? Fiona is his daughter, he should be talking to her and spending his final moments with his proper family. Fiona gave Shrek one of those looks and he knew that he wasn't just going to be able to talk his way out of it. Shrek walked over to the King.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"This Kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne."

Shrek felt his stomach drop. He had to be joking. Yes, King Harold had a sense of humour, it would be just like him to joke like this, even when he was dying. He couldn't be serious about that.

"Ooo. Next in line. Now you see Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed you're still making jokes."

The King stared at Shrek, stone-faced. Was he serious? Shrek blanched. What on earth was he thinking? They couldn't have an ogre for a king! They would hate him! He couldn't do the job properly either, as the past few days of filling in for Harold had proven. Shrek couldn't be king. He didn't want to be king

" Oh, come on Dad...an Ogre as King? I don't think that's such a good idea. There's got to be somebody else. Anybody?" Shrek exclaimed.

"Aside from you there is only one remaining heir."

Shrek brightened. There was hope. He didn't have to become king, there was someone else who could take up the mantle. There was somebody else who could do it!

"Really!? Who is he, Dad?" Shrek asked.

"His name is... is... is…" The King struggled for his breath and Shrek's eyes widened. He couldn't die before he told him who the other heir was.

"What's his name? What's his name?"

The King started to hyperventilate.

"Daddy!" Fiona cried

The King fell still, not breathing. He was dead. A fly came out of his mouth and flew away. Shrek swatted the fly away from his face, his stomach in his throat.

Suddenly a tongue darted out of Harold's mouth and caught the fly. He was alive! Shrek let out a sigh of relief. Harold chewed the fly, swallowed and then spoke.

"His name is Harry."

"Harry?" Shrek asked, wanting to be sure of the name.

"He- He is my grand-nephew I know you'll do what's…" The King struggled for his breath. "riiiight…"

His eyes closed and they didn't open again. Shrek put his finger on the King's neck to check for a pulse. He was dead, actually dead this time.

"Harold!?''

"Dad? Dad? Dad?"

Donkey bowed his head and hissed at Puss to take his hat off. Suddenly Shrek's arms were full of a crying Fiona. Shrek thought he could hear the castle bell tolling, but it was as if he was hearing everything through swampwater. He couldn't believe that the king had actually died. He was dead. The king was dead. The king was dead and he wanted Shrek to be the next king. Shrek couldn't be king. All Shrek wanted was a peaceful life at home at his swamp. Shrek didn't want to rule a kingdom, he had no clue how to. Shrek decided that he would go and find this Harry person and make him become the new king. He had to.

###################################################

Pregnant? Fiona was pregnant? But that meant that he was going to be a-

"How did this happen?" Shrek muttered, they had been careful hadn't they? Well, most of the time anyway. He wasn't ready to be a father. He knew next to nothing about raising kids. How on earth was he going to cope? As he had told Fiona the other day all babies did was cry and eat and poop and combinations thereof. He didn't want that in his swamp! He was going off on this journey to go and fetch this 'Harry' so that he could go back to his nice and peaceful swamp. He didn't want kids!

Shrek deflected the stupid questions from Puss and Donkey and went below deck to think.

After a little while Shrek pushed all thoughts pertaining to his life's ruin aside and instead focussed his attention to the problem at hand. They had a 3 week journey ahead of them before they reached the land in which this 'Harry Potter' lived. The Queen had known more details about her grand-nephew, such as the rest of his name, how old he was, and where he could be found. Hogwarts was where they were headed. The name was weird, but then again so was Far Far Away. Shrek had no clue where this Hogwarts actually was in relation to anywhere he knew, but the captain knew which way to go so that was all that mattered.

############################################

Why he had taken Donkey and Puss along with him Shrek would never know. They seemed to love irritating him to no end, Donkey deliberately winding him up allegedly so that he could 'work on his patience for when the babies arrived'. Shrek just wanted to throw him overboard and not let him back on the ship. He had already done so to the nuisance once, but the Captain had had Donkey rescued. Sure, Dragon would eat him once she found out, but it was worth it.

###########################################

The days on board that wretched ship slowly but surely turned into weeks. Shrek wondered if they would ever get there. Suddenly he heard a shout from on deck, so he headed out to see what it was. Shrek emerged to see a castle and the ship slowly emerging from the water. How they had been underwater Shrek didn't understand, he only knew that they had been and now they were not. Shrek assumed some sort of hocus pocus must be involved, but he didn't particularly care either way. The castle that Shrek could see some way away from the ship was huge. It was at least four times the size of the castle at Far Far Away. Shrek felt slightly daunted, what kind of people were inside if they could afford to build a castle that big? What is this Harry didn't want to come with him? Shrek pushed that thought aside, he would have to come with him, even if Shrek had to force him to.

They all exited the ship, Donkey not shutting up with his endless questions until Puss slashed him across the face, his patience completely gone. Shrek had fought back a laugh, having wanted to do the same to him group of them split, the captain and crew staying by the ship, whilst he, Donkey and Puss started the walk up to the castle to find Harry. One of the first things that he noticed as he walked up to the castle was that there were absolutely no guards. None at all. Shrek half expected some to just appear suddenly, but none did. Their security was rubbish. The front door to the castle was even already open!

"So do we just go in?" Donkey asked.

They hesitated for a few minutes as Donkey wanted to knock, but both Puss and Shrek thought that it would be a stupid idea. The trio went inside and their jaws dropped, the Entrance Hall was huge! It was as tall as Rapunzel's tower and double the width. How rich were these people? The Entrance Hall as exquisite, but Shrek was far more interested by the noise that he could hear coming from behind the huge set of double doors at the end of the staircase in front of them.

Shrek decided that dramatically would be the best way in which to enter past the doors. He could hear, even through the doors, that there had to be over a hundred people at the very least inside. Shrek took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Well, he tried at least. Those doors were _heavy_!

"Donkey, help me get this door open." Shrek snapped at his irritating companion, who had just stood there watching as Puss had joined Shrek in pushing the enormous doors open. Donkey walked over and put one hoof on the door and pushed against it gently when the doors burst open with a bang. Shrek had not been expecting this, neither had Puss, and so they fell into a pile on the floor.

Shrek could hear a gasp travel around the room beyond as whoever was inside fell silent. Shrek detangled himself from Donkey and Puss and looked up to see hundreds of children. What kind of a castle was this?

"Who are you?" the voice of an old man called. Shrek turned his head and noticed that there was a high table full of adults. The man who had spoken, who also stood at the head of the table and Shrek assumed that he was in charge, had a long white beard. The man was wearing some of the most ridiculous clothing that Shrek had ever seen. It was only surpassed by the clothing that he and Fiona had had to wear when filling in at court. The difference here was that the old man, despite the fact that he did not look completely happy to see him, but then again he had just barged into his castle.

"My name is Shrek, and I'm looking for someone. I'm looking for someone called Harry Potter."

 **##########################################################**

 **PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

 **##########################################################**


	2. Chapter 2

**What's this? An update? *gasp***

 **It's almost been a whole year since I uploaded the first chapter of this. WHOOPS! I swear I have been working on it throughout the year, although it's pretty near the bottom of my fic priority list at the moment. Updates for this fic will probably be every few months (hopefully) but I make no guarantee.**

 **#####################################################**

 **ENJOY!**

 **#####################################################**

Silence. The whole hall was in silence at Shrek's words, everyone looking in one direction, what Shrek assumed to be towards Harry. Shrek started to see if he could see who they were looking towards, but before he could do so he heard a polite cough from the High table. He turned to see that a woman dressed in pink had stood up.

"And why, may I ask, would someone….like you… have any business with a student of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? I'll have you know that the minister-"

"That's quite enough Delores." The old man said, holding his hand up as he said so. The woman, Dolores, looked as though she wanted to continue, but didn't do so and instead shot the man a glare. The place was a school? That explained a lot.

"Someone like me? Oh, you mean an ogre." Shrek said sarcastically. He hated having to talk with prejudiced people. Yes, he was an ogre. He had green skin and he loved to scare people. That didn't automatically make him evil. He could almost feel the disgust rolling off of the woman. Shrek smirked. From what Shrek had observed in the moments since he had laid eyes on her, this Delores woman was probably one of those who worshiped the person with the most power that they could find. This was going to be fun. He turned to Puss and gave the subtle signal for him to carry out Plan Four. The two of them had used some of the time that they had to spend on the boat coming up with different scenarios that could potentially happen and subtle gestures to denote the activation of each plan.

Puss nodded and coughed really loudly.

"Presenting Shrek, Royal Ambassador for the Kingdom of Far Far Away." Puss announced loudly.

The room was in shock and Shrek's smirk widened on seeing Delores' reaction. She had gone white in anger and shock. Several jaws of the adults at that table had dropped and all of them were surprised. Shrek did that weird bow with a hand movement that Fiona had had him practise for hours until he got it right and was pleased to see the old guy respond in kind.

"Shall we take this to my office?" The old man asked. Shrek didn't see the harm in doing so. Sure, he was here to get Harry, but something in his gut told Shrek that if he had the old guy, who Shrek was pretty sure was the Headmaster of this school, on his side then everything would go much smoother. Shrek nodded and followed the man out of the room along with a stern looking woman, Puss and Donkey following him.

##########################################

Harry hated it when people looked at him. He hated the fact that he was famous. It seemed that with every year that passed in the Wizarding world that more and more things would happen to bring more attention upon him. Why was it always him? Why couldn't the thing that had a really low probability of happening happen to some other random person, anyone who wasn't called Harry James Potter?

Harry shrunk further into his seat as everyone continued to look at him and whisper about him and the ogre that had come in looking for him. Harry hadn't even known ogres were really until a couple of minutes previously, so why was one looking for him? What was Far Far Away? Harry had never heard of a place with such a weird name. Harry turned to the font of all knowledge that was Hermione and asked her if she knew what was going on. Harry was surprised to find that Hermione knew as little as he did about the matter and it was Ron who answered his questions.

"Blimey, you guys have never heard of Far Far Away?" He said, going as far as to put down the food that he had been eating. Harry knew that it must be serious if Ron had stopped eating.

"It's not on the maps, Ronald, I would know. It can't be a place." Hermione snapped back, evidently frustrated that Ron knew something that she didn't. Harry hoped that it didn't turn into a full blown argument as he could really do without one.

"It's one of the only fully magical lands left, it wouldn't be on muggle maps. There are muggle repelling charms over the whole place. There have been for centuries. It's in the… what would you guys know it as…" Ron paused and scratched his head, "the Atlantic Ocean."

"Of course!" Hermione exclaimed, "The Bermuda Triangle!"

"Yeah…. Anyway, the cat said that this Shrek guy was the royal ambassador of Far Far Away. I wonder what he wants with you then Harry."

In listening to Ron's explanation Harry had forgotten that the ogre had come looking for him. Why was he looking for him? Harry didn't know any royalty! Harry shrugged and nervously bit his lip. He didn't want this. Why did it have to happen to him? Why did it always have to be him?

"Hey," A voice came from slightly further down the table, "Why could the cat speak?"

"Oh my goodness Dean! You can't just ask why someone can speak!" Ginny, who was sitting across from Dean, exclaimed. Harry chuckled slightly at the look on Dean's face. Harry glanced at Hermione and saw that Hermione once again didn't know the answer. Dean did have a point though, how _was_ the cat able to speak? And why was it wearing clothing? Ron sighed and gave them all a look.

"Does the word magic mean nothing to you lot?" Ron rubbed his chin. "Merlin himself blessed the lands of Far Far Away in his last moments, pushing all of his magic into the land resulting in the animals being able to talk."

"Right…" Hermione said hesitantly. Harry could tell that the girl was extremely sceptical about the whole thing. Harry, knowing Hermione, knew that she wouldn't accept Ron's explanation fully until a book confirmed it. Although the explanation seemed pretty ridiculous to him, Harry decided to accept Ron's explanation until a better one came along. Who was he to judge the Wizarding World for what they believed to be true? Sure, it might not have actually been Merlin, but magic definitely had to be involved somehow. Perhaps it was a bit like the opposite of things like parselmouths, the animals being able to talk human, rather than the human being able to talk animal.

Dinner soon ended and the trio decided to head back to their common room. However, they were intercepted halfway there by a flustered Professor McGonagall.

"Potter," She said with a Scottish lilt. Harry knew that McGonagall's accent bleeding into the words meant that his teacher was either extremely angry or equally stressed; either way did not bode well for Harry. "The Headmaster would like to see you in his office."

Harry said his farewells to his friends, promising to tell them further about the meeting afterwards. Harry already had an inkling as to what, or who the meeting was going to be about, he just did not know why. It took only a few minutes for the two of them to walk to the Headmaster's office, but the silence between them was slightly unnerving, as McGonagall wasn't one for silently walking next to him unless he was in some form of trouble. Was he in trouble? He hadn't done anything that he could think of in the last week. Then again, the headmaster was probably rather busy. Was this to do about the halt in the occlumency lessons with Snape? Or was it as he had previously thought, and was to do with the ogre that had come looking for him?

Harry entered the Headmaster's office with Professor McGonagall, immediately noting the

presence of the ogre, cat and donkey stood to the side of the desk. Why couldn't his life ever be simple?

"Have a seat my boy." The Headmaster said, his eyes twinkling more than ever. Harry sat in the seat, but made sure that he could still see everyone else that was in the room. There was an awkward silence in the room as Harry declined the lemon drops that Professor Dumbledore offered him.

"Harry Potter?" The ogre said, his accent bleeding through. Why did the ogre have a scottish accent if he was from Far Far Away? "My name is Shrek and I am the Royal Ambassador for Far Far Away. And-"

"Why do you want with me?" Harry said, interrupting the ogre. Shrek blinked and smiled at him, showing a set of rather disgusting teeth.

"Do you want the long story, or the short?" Shrek said. Harry just gave him a look. "Short version it is then. The King of Far Far Away died. It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies, kid. You're the new King of Far Far Away."

Harry laughed hysterically for a good few minutes before he noticed that no one else was laughing. Him? A king? More like the Mayor of Freakville. He wiped tears of mirth from his eyes before addressing the ogre again. "Nice, you're funny. Now seriously, what do you want?"

"Harry, my boy, Ambassador Shrek is entirely serious." Harry turned to look at the Headmaster. He couldn't be serious, he couldn't rule a kingdom. He couldn't even properly control and run the DA, let alone a whole land mass of people! How on earth was he even in line for the throne?

"How?" Harry asked, that being the only word he managed to get out. Harry swallowed and tried to speak again. "How am I even in line for the throne?"

"Your grandfather."

Harry looked at the man confused. He had very little knowledge of any of his grandparents. Aunt Petunia had never talked about them at all. If he was descended from royalty, surely he wouldn't have just been left with Aunt Petunia. Harry's confusion must have shown on his face, as the Headmaster explained further.

"Your grandfather's brother was the late King."

"What? Is this for real?" Harry asked, his questions barely louder than a breath.

"Your grandfather abdicated when it came the time to ascend." Came the answer, "Your grandfather had never wanted to be king. He left Far Far Away and came to England to see some of the world and ended up fathering a child whilst he was in the country, your mother. Your mother never knew her biological father. He returned to Far Far Away and your mother was raised by her mother and stepfather. As the male descendant of the primary line you are heir to the throne of Far Far Away."

It all sounded like something out of a fiction book. They had to be lying. There was no way that Harry could ever be related to royalty. It was far to ridiculous a notion to even be entertained.

"Absolutely." The Ogre said with a nod, "Now clean out your locker, kid. You've got a kingdom to run."

"I don't believe you. You're lying." Harry said plainly, shaking his head. There was no way that it was true.

"Harry, my boy-" Dumbledore started to speak but Harry interrupted the headmaster before he could say anything further.

"I am not your boy." Harry spat out, fed up of talking to the headmaster. "I am going to leave now and none of you are going to stop me."

"Mister Potter, you sit down young man; right now!" Professor McGonagall commanded and Harry found himself wanting to do as she asked. However Harry's need to leave the room and the lies in it overwhelmed his desire to listen to Professor McGonagall. He went to leave the room, but his exit was blocked by that ginger cat in boots. Harry clenched his fists and swallowed loudly. He really wanted to punch this cat for getting in his way, but the shiny sword on the cat's hip suggested that doing so might not be a very good idea. Harry gritted his teeth and turned back around.

"Prove it." Harry demanded. If he was going to be forced to carry on listening to this farce then he was going to do it having been given some hard evidence that what they were saying was real. The headmaster opened a drawer from behind his desk and took a potion vial from the drawer that was full of a lilac coloured liquid.

"I thought you might want some evidence my boy, so I took the liberty of retrieving his heritage potion from Proffessor Snape. All you need to do, my boy, is add seven drops of blood and then pour the potion over a piece of parchment. The Late King's name was Harold. His brother's, your grandfather's, name was Howard.

"Fine."

Harry walked over to the desk and took the small knife that the headmaster offered him. He make a small cut on the tip of his ring finger and let seven drops of blood fall into the small vial. Each drop caused the potion to turn more blue as it made contact with the potion inside. By the time that the seventh drop hit the potion, it was a deep, dark blue.

Harry took a spare piece of parchment from his bag and laid it out on the headmaster's desk. He picked up the potions vial and poured out the contents onto the parchment. Immediately the liquid started to form lines and words, taking on the shape that Harry recognised as a family tree. Harry quickly spotted his name at the bottom of the piece of parchment. It looked as though the tree only went back five generations, but it was more of his family history than he had even known. Harry followed his line back on his father's side, and had to bite back a laugh at the names of his paternal grandparents; Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. Harry was suddenly very grateful that he had such a normal name. Harry moved to the maternal line next,

There he was. They were right. Harry's stomach clenched. He couldn't just be normal for once, could he?

Connected to Harry's mother were the names Rose Evans nee Griggs and Howard V of Far Far Away. Harry was surprised at the lack of surname. Did the Royal family not have a surname? Harry supposed that they didn't really need one. Harry sat down in one of the empty chairs, feeling slightly numb.

He was related to royalty. He was in line to the throne. Harry gripped onto the arms of the chairs, thankful for the painful feeling that squeezing the corner of the arms resulted in. It was something other than numbness that was overwhelming Harry.

He couldn't do this.

"I don't want this. I don't want to be a king." Harry muttered.

"You have to." Shrek demanded, "You're the only one who can."

"I-I can't. I-" Harry stuttered. He didn't want this. He didn't want that kind of responsibility. He didn't want to rule over people. He didn't want this.

"Perhaps Mr Potter should go to class and be able to think about this matter for a few days." Professor McGonagall suggested. Going to class had never appeared more appealing than it had in that moment. The headmaster nodded and so Harry jumped up, ignoring the annoyed look on the ogre's face, stuffed the parchment with his family tree on it into his bag and left the office, not even waiting to be dismissed.

It wasn't until he reached the moving staircases that Harry remembered that he had Defence Against the Dark Arts currently. Harry was half tempted to skip the lesson, not wanting to deal with Umbridge, but he didn't want to incur the wrath of McGonagall. He needed his head of house to not be mad with him if he was going to have any chance of surviving the torment that was sure to be the next few days. The last thing Harry needed was more detentions to go to.

Harry soon made it to the classroom. He hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door.

"Enter." Said the sickly sweet voice that belonged to his farce of a Defence Professor. Harry turned the doorknob and entered into the Room of Doom.

 **#######################################################**

 **PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

 **########################################################**


	3. Chapter 3

**So I got around to writing another chapter a lot sooner than I thought I would! I was struggling with this chapter initially, but then it started to write itself! There will probably be a few mistakes in this as I wrote this chapter in about two days and I've done some basic editing, but I haven't really had the time to scour it for faults.**

 **################################################################**

 **ENJOY!**

 **################################################################**

"Come in." said the girlish voice of the Toad of Doom. Harry entered the room, keeping his head down and moving directly to his seat.

"Detention, Potter." Came Umbridge's voice from across the room. Harry snapped his head up. What on earth had he done to deserve a detention? "For rudeness to a professor and being late to yet another one of my lessons."

So much for avoiding getting more detentions. Harry clenched his fist and ground his teeth together to stop himself from saying something stupid. Harry wanted to fight the unfair detention, but thought that it would be unwise to draw any extra attention to himself after the morning that he had had. All fighting the detention would do is result in even more detentions, and Harry didn't know if his hand could take that.

The class period seemed to take forever to end; classes with Umbridge always did. Harry had even managed to exit the class with only the one detention, which must be a new record for a class with Umbridge.

Hermione and Ron hadn't dared to try to talk with him whilst they were in class, not wanting to get Harry into even more trouble with Umbridge, and so they pounced on him the moment that they walked out of the classroom door. Harry silenced his friend's with a look.

"Not here." He murmured, "Meet me in The Room during our free."

They nodded, not questioning Harry's need for secrecy, which he was grateful for. They had charms class that they needed to get to and Harry didn't want to open the can of worms that was his current situation until they had the time to deal with it properly. After double charms all Harry and his friends all had a free period. It was one of the few free periods that they all had at the same time, thanks to the sheer amount of classes that Hermione was taking. It also happened to be directly in front of lunch, giving them even more time to talk, should they end up needing more than just an hour to do it.

 **######################**

Charms passed faster than Harry had wanted it to. He didn't know what he thought of the situation, let alone how he was going to explain it to his friends. Before he knew it the three of them were inside the Room of Requirement, which had appeared as a smallish room covered in comfy things to sit on.

Harry looked down at his hands, frantically trying to organise his words into something that would at least make some vague sort of sense.

"So how did it go mate?" Ron asked, after what seemed to Harry to be an eternity in silence.

"I- He-" Harry stuttered, "Shrek- He."

Harry look a large shaky breathe in.

Harry found that he just couldn't say it. He couldn't admit it out loud to his friends, not when he hadn't even accepted it himself. He couldn't be the Heir to a throne. The whole idea was laughable. He, the freak, couldn't actually be royalty. It just wasn't possible.

Harry looked down to find that his hands were shaking. Why were his hands shaking? Harry concentrated on trying to keep his hands still, but then realised that it wasn't just his hands, but his whole body that was shaking. He swallowed and rested his head on his palms. Why couldn't he be normal for once in his freakish life?

"I'm the only heir to the Throne of Far Far away." Harry murmured. Saying it out loud somehow made the whole situation more real. "My mum was only my Aunt's half-sister. My grandfather was from the royal family."

The words still sounded ridiculous. It wasn't normal. This wasn't happening.

Hermione cursed, causing Harry and Ron to look at her in shock. Harry had expected that response from Ron, not Hermione.

"What, I'm capable of swearing when the situation calls for it. " She snapped, evidently annoyed by the shock on their faces. It somehow seemed so wrong to hear those words said in Hermione's voice.

"It always seems to happen to you mate." Ron said, patting Harry's knee awkwardly. "But like, you're going to be a prince?"

Harry shook his head. "I- uh, I guess I've kind of always been a prince?" Now that was a strange thought, the freak from the cupboard being a prince all along. It was like a fairy tale, not real life; not his life.

Ron looked utterly confused, but he hadn't yet blown a gasket, like Harry had half expected him to.

"He's the only heir, Ronald. He's next in line to become king." Hermione explained. Harry nodded along to her explanation.

"Well that's okay. It's going to be ages before the current King of Far Far Away dies, right?"

Harry felt the blood leave his face. Harry wished that was so. He shook his head, trying to control his trembling hands and whispered, "He died a month ago, it took them this long to find me."

It was Ron's turn to swear this time, although Hermione looked close to it.

"Do you want to- What am I saying of course you don't-" Hermione said, changing her mind mid sentence. Harry almost smiled. Hermione knew him so well, she knew what he was thinking better than he did most of the time.

"What do I do?" Harry asked his friends, his voice cracking halfway through the short question. An awkward silence fell amongst them, nobody knowing quite what to say.

"If you don't want to do it Harry, you could always abdicate?" Hermione suggested after what felt like an age of silence. It was a legitimate option.

"But what would happen to Far Far Away? I'm the only heir apparently. Who would rule instead?" Harry said, thinking out loud.

Neither Ron or Hermione had the answers to his questions. Harry took a deep breath in, squashing down the anxiety that he was feeling. He didn't have to make any decisions yet. Harry had three days thanks to McGonagall. He vocalised this to his friends, and, after glancing at his watch and realising that the lunch period was already half gone, suggested that they go and get some lunch from the kitchens before heading out to Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid's creatures were always great for getting one's mind off of things.

 **############################**

Shrek paced the living quarters that the Headmaster of this school that they had found themselves stuck in had given them for the duration of their stay. Why on earth did the kid have to be so stubborn? Most people would be jumping for joy at being told that they were royalty. Why couldn't this kid just be normal and go along with it? Shrek want to yell at the kid and throw him over his shoulder so badly. Shrek somehow got the impression that the witches and wizards wouldn't be very happy with him if he did that. He had already discussed the situation with Puss and Donkey and they had all come to the conclusion that they would have to be very persuasive to convince this kid to come with them.

However, Shrek was not a very persuasive person. Sure, he could persuade people to leave very easily, he could persuade people to flee with a mere look. But the kind of persuasion that was going to be needed in this situation was definitely not Shrek's forte. Shrek needed the kid to change his mind. He needed the kid to go and be king. Shrek had already proven that he was unfit to rule. He had mucked everything up in the weeks that he and Fiona had been fulfilling the royal duties whilst the king was ill. He wasn't king material. Even this inexperienced kid would be a much better king than Shrek could ever be.

"Donkey, could you try talking to the lad?" Shrek asked. "We need the kid to change his mind and come with me-I mean us."

"Sure! I'm great at talking I would love to talk to the kid. I love kids, did you know that I love kids. Gosh I miss my little ones. Do you think that Harry will enjoy playing tag? Or playing with bubbles. Of course he like bubbles, everyone likes bubbles!" Donkey exclaimed, and disappeared through the door.

Shrek facepalmed. Donkey had eaten the headmaster's entire bowl of lemon drops in the time that they had been in his office, and as a result was rather hyper. Shrek had completely forgotten how much sugar Donkey had consumed, but there must have been some magical extra in those lemon drops as Donkey was unnaturally hyper. Shrek had a feeling that Donkey's talk with the Potter kid wasn't going to go very well at all. He already regretting asking Donkey to do something that required delicacy. Shrek didn't know what had overcome him, it was more of a job for Puss than it ever was for Donkey, but it was too late now. Donkey was very fast when he wanted to be.

Shrek just hoped that Donkey didn't scare the kid off too badly.

 **######################**

Harry was more than slightly weirded out. The talking donkey was worse than dealing with a hyper Luna. What on earth had that crazy mule consumed? He hadn't seemed that nuts when he had seen him in Dumbledore's office. Harry shuddered at the memory of talking with the donkey. That thing was nuts. It just wouldn't shut up! Donkey, which Harry gathered was it's name as well as its species, talked more in one breath than a firstie Hermione. It had babbled on about how it wanted to get to know him and how he should come to Far Far Away. Harry had endured a full twenty minutes of constant babbling before the donkey had randomly fallen asleep. Harry had taken that opportunity to flee.

It really had been a rather strange encounter, but Harry shoved it to the back of his mind as he made his way outside. Harry was currently unable to use his broom or play quidditch, and being grounded was driving him slowly insane. One of the members of the DA had offered up the use of their broom during the last DA meeting. Apparently the hufflepuff in question had seen him staring wistfully at the slytherin quidditch practice a few days previously. Harry was happy for their generosity. Harry liked to play quidditch, but his love of the game stemmed from being able to fly.

There was something about flying that gave him wings. When Harry was in the air the pressures of the world disappeared. When Harry was in the air everything made sense. His best thinking was done whilst he was zooming around the sky, which is why Harry was infinitely to the Hufflepuff who had lent him a broom.

Harry let his thoughts wander as he performed a series of increasingly complicated maneuvers. The broom wasn't as good as Harry's firebolt, but it was a Nimbus 2000, so it was somewhat nostalgic to fly the broom.

By the time that Harry landed it had grown dark outside. Broom tucked under one arm, Harry cast a lumos charm so that he could see the time on his watch. Dinner was almost over, so Harry must have been flying for over 4 hours. The time had flown by, but Harry's mind was so much clearer than earlier that day. He had come to terms, at least slightly, with the idea that he was royalty. It was still a weird thought, but not quite as weird as it had seemed that morning.

Harry returned the broom he had borrowed to it's owner, who had happened to exit the Great Hall just as Harry came into the Entrance Hall. Harry was glad that he didn't have to go into the Great Hall. Harry didn't know if he could face a whole hall of whispers. He thanked the hufflepuff profusely, making the girl in question blush a Weasley red. Harry was vaguely impressed that someone else could reach the levels of blush that the Weasleys were so well known for. The girl stammered a response and seemed to almost run away from him as fast as she could, baffling Harry. Had he said something strange?

Harry shrugged and made his way to the kitchens for the second time that day, ate until he was fit to burst, and then made his way back to the common room. The Common Room was full of people by the time that Harry returned there and the room fell into silence as soon as he entered it. Harry kept his eyes to the floor and made a beeline for his dorm room. As he took the first few steps up the staircase, Harry heard the room behind him explode into poorly concealed whispers. He hated being the subject of gossip.

 **#######################**

Harry made it into the door room with no further incident. Only Neville was in the dorm, which Harry was grateful for. He didn't know if he could put up with Dean or Seamus' probing questions. Harry smiled at Neville. The two of them had become a lot closer in the last year.

"Let me guess, The Ambassador of Far Far Away came to whisk you away to your new kingdom." Neville said jokingly, a deadpan look on his face.

"Yup." Harry said, a hysterical laugh slipping through his lips. Where one laugh made it's way out, another soon followed and within moments Harry was on the floor laughing like a madman. Neville looked scared out of his wits about Harry's actions. The boy scrambled off of his bed and put one hand on Harry's knee.

"I'm sorry Harry. I didn't know, honest!" Neville cried. It was another few moments before Harry got his laughter under control.

"Why can't I ever be normal?" Harry asked morosely.

"Because I'm so boring that you had to be interesting enough to make up for it?" Neville said jokingly, holding his hand out to Harry to help him up. Harry grasped the offered hand and stood up.

Harry shook his head fondly. "Sure Nev, whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Were you serious?" Neville asked, "What I said was true?"

Harry nodded numbly and shrugged. "My mother was apparently the daughter of one of the royal family. I'm the only heir."

"Well your highness," Neville said bowing mockingly at him, "Don't expect me to treat you any differently because of it. You're still the bespeckled git that I've known since first year."

Harry had the urge to pull Neville into a hug. "Thank you." He said. It meant more than Harry could put into words that Neville saw him as 'Just Harry'. There were precious few people in Harry's life that saw past all the Boy-Who-Lived stuff and saw Harry for the person that he really was.

"Your welcome mate."

A comfortable silence fell between the two of them as they pottered about the dorm room, cleaning up the mess that Ron and Dean had left that morning and getting ready for bed. As Harry lay down looking up at the ceiling, he forced himself to not think of the chaotic events of that day, but just closed his eyes and thought of flying. It had been far too long since he had had the pleasure of being in the air. Harry soon fell asleep with a smile on his face, and thoughts of Quidditch and flying running through his head.

 **#######################################################**

 **PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

 **########################################################**


End file.
